Shadows of the Past
by redheadturkey
Summary: Mostly introspective piece, Rude thinking about his partner while Reno is badly injured and hospitalized. Likely to be more than a one shot. Sometime after AC
1. Chapter 1

Seeing you laying there. . .listening to the beeping of the machines keeping you alive. . .I wished I'd realized just how deep the love went before. Your red hair was spread across the stark white of the pillows, making you look nearly angelic. You were so still, it wasn't right, but what else could I do but watch over you and wait for those brilliant teal eyes to flutter open and sparkle with the inherent life that had always been a part of you again? Tseng came in earlier and tried to order me to go home, and I did something that would probably have made you laugh, Aibou. I gave him the finger and told him I wasn't leaving your side until you were awake again.

I hope it's soon, because I need to know who did this to you. No one gets away with hurting my partner, not without some significant damage being done to them as well, but until you're awake, I don't know who to hunt down to take my vengeance on. And. . .I need to tell you what I should have a long time ago. I love you, Reno. I love you more than my own life, and I've ceased caring who knows, or about protocol, or how bad an idea it might be to become too attached to someone that may lose their life before your eyes one day.

None of the others understood why I wore my sunglasses all the time. I was trying to hide the way my eyes would always travel your way during the most inappropriate of moments. The way they would follow every fluid movement, drinking them up like a man dying of thirst will gulp down a glass of water when it's placed in front of him. You were and have always been my drug, the one thing that I could never do without.

I know there will be nightmares, nights that you wake in cold sweats as you're recovering mentally from this, but I will be there with you to help you through them. You won't have to do this alone, not as you've had to before. I failed you after the plate drop, and that is something that I have never forgiven myself for, even if you tried to tell me it wasn't my fault and that there was nothing that I could do. I'm not going to let it happen ever again, that I promise you.

"Rude?" Elena is standing in the doorway, and she has a cup of coffee in her hand, and it makes me smile. You called her the Rookie, but I know you've always cared about her, like the annoying little sister that you never want to admit you love. She's matured, though, she's become the den mother of this insane family, and I wonder now if she's seen it in my eyes, the way I feel for you. "Here, I figured you could use it."

"Thanks." I notice the way she smiles when I take the Styrofoam cup from her hand, inhaling the rich fragrance, realizing it was not from the vending machines or the cafeteria of the hospital, but from the expensive coffee shop a few blocks down, and that thanks is suddenly doubly heartfelt, especially as one of her hands closes on my shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"He's going to be all right, Rude. You and I both know it. The man is a survivor, he has been since the day the two of you met, and he will be until the day his hair starts going gray and you both leave this life as Turk behind, probably you, Reno, and Tseng will be the first three to actually retire without having to do so in a casket." Elena's words are true, and I know it as well as she does.

The world had changed from the time we had all been recruited, Turks were no longer the feared hunters and assassins they had been under the Old Man's rule. We were enforcers and protectors now, and it seemed to suit all of us, especially the spirited redhead that had seemed to almost lighten in spirit when it happened.

Now, we had only to worry about those who were unable to let go of the past, and I was very sure that that was what had happened. My partner's past had finally caught up with him. Well, I wasn't about to let that stand.


	2. Chapter 2

I float in silent darkness. It sucks chunks, but really, what can I do? I got caught, Rude. . .I got caught, just like you always told me not to do, I dropped my guard and I wasn't as careful as I should have been. What they did to me. . .I don't know that I'll ever be able to talk about it, not without being pressed. I never thought *I* would be a victim, though, yo, ya know? It's a real fuckin' hit to the manly pride, but I guess what I told Laney is right. Anyone at any time, man or woman, can end up being victimized by someone bigger and stronger than they are. Well ya know what? That trope ya always hear? It's true. If you call yourself a victim, that's what ya end up being, far after the trauma's passed. Well, those sick fucks can go to Hell, 'cause Reno of the Mother Fucking Turks is not gonna be a victim. Laney said it best. I am a survivor, and I am gonna survive. For you, and for my family.

I guess being a survivor means being able to relive what happened and push _through _it too, huh? You always said I shouldn't go into that parta town alone, that the sleaziest scum of the Earth was in that place, and they didn't give a shit who they hurt as long as they got what they wanted. Hell, ya said even you wouldn't do it, and that it weren't bein' scared, it was just bein' smart. I'd gone in there to protect Denzel an' Marlene, though ya probably don't know that. I heard one of the assholes in the Seventh Heaven, in a part of the place where Cloud an' Tifa only go if someone sittin' there needs a drink, or to clean up after. They talked about usin' th'kids as leverage to get the bar as a front for their own operations. Well, ya know how I am about kids, even if I never wanna admit it, so I followed th'son of a bitch.

I know you're gonna tell me that is where I made my mistake, my impulsive nature has always managed to get me in trouble, and you've told me that probably a million times. You're gonna say I should have called it in, let the cops, such as they are, take care of the problem. And I know tryin' to do it on my own wasn't smart. I wanted to make 'em proud, I wanted to do somethin' worthy of that, to rise above th'killin' th'job entails and always has. I know, I never seemed to give a shit before, I hid shit well, deep down, I never had a choice. I always looked up to the spikey haired shit, though. Even when we were enemies, even when he was tryin' to kill me because we were on different sides of the fence separatin' the good from the bad, I still admired him. Even though th'role of Hero ain't somethin' he _chose_ but was somethin' dropped on him by others, he still stood proud an' did it anyway. It affected me, deep down, where almost no one ever gets ta see, enough that I wanted to do somethin' to make _him_ proud o'me.

Turned out the bastard had friends. . and I fought, trust me I fought, but even th'strongest can be overwhelmed by sheer numbers. It's hard. . .it's real hard even rememberin' what happened next, to let it be real where it matters. I feel like a fuckin' chick even thinkin' about it, which is probably why where with girls it rarely gets reported , with men. . .it almost never does. You get made to feel like you're shit, like you're weak, if you're a guy and it happens to you, and that ain't right, but it's how it is. The bastards were careful, they didn't want anyone to know who they were, or to be able to tell what they'd done without someone' lookin' for it.

When they took my pants off, they didn't tear 'em, two of 'em held down my arms and two of 'em held down my legs while a fifth took 'em off, layin' 'em aside real careful like, as if they didn't want 'em to get torn or dirtied. When he started, all I could feel was how fuckin' much it hurt, and I hope ya don't think I'm a pussy for sayin' this, but he wasn't even nice enough ta spit on his damn thing before he did, if ya know what I mean. I stayed silent through that first one, an' when he was done, I even asked him if that was all he had. ..again, I know not smart. I shoulda shut up, I shouldn'ta mouthed off. Always make it worse for myself by not knowin' when to shut my mouth.

Well, that pissed th'rest of 'em off, and they started beatin' my ass while the next one took his turn, though ya woulda been proud of me. I didn't scream. . .through everything they did to me, I never once screamed, I never once gave 'em the satisfaction of knowin' how much they hurt me. When they finished, the put my pants back on an' left me there to bleed, and the sons of bitches were laughin' when they did. I got up and walked back, the half mile back to the Seventh, I walked, even hurt, dizzy an' sick an' in pain, I walked, only to collapse when I got there. I ain't even quite sure if it was Tifa or Cloud that called the wagon that got me here.

I'm gonna try to open my eyes now, for you. You said you love me, and that's all I need to hear to give me th'strength to fight back. Ya see Rudy. . I love you too, even if I ain't never said it.


End file.
